Why are we here?

A cosmic question, the answer to which depends on who’s doing the asking.  Some might ask why is the steer here except to give us his flesh?  Why are eggs laid, except for us to eat them?  We, the creator(s) of this website, want the world to be informed about the mysterious, predatory, ubiquitous aliens who are in our midst today:  the Saturni.

Who are they?

The Saturni are ageless, numberless, timeless.  They are the ancient gods, angels, loas, demons, demiurges and revenants who came down from the Astral Plane, initially to help mankind.  Then something went terribly wrong.  They became incarnate in human form, and they refused to go back.  They liked having bodies, and even more, they liked having appetites.  They stayed, and gradually they attained power. The truth is they’re here today….and they’re hungry.  They eat everything they can:  animals, people, land, wealth, resources, planets, and produce nothing in return but waste.  In fact, the Saturni will only be happy when they eat the last endangered species and drink the last drop of unpolluted water on earth, after which they will eat the earth itself and then fly off to find new worlds to conquer.

Scared yet?  You should be.



Who Are We?

We are a collective of like-minded seekers devoting ourselves to the eventual exposure and downfall of the Saturni, however long that takes (and it’s probably going to take a long, long time).  We draw our inspiration from the pioneering work of A. P. Bowman.  A. P. Bowman was a riddle wrapped inside an enigma inside a brown paper bag left by the side of the road in downtown New Orleans (or maybe not).  He (or she) is probably the single greatest living expert on the Saturni (assuming he’s alive now, or ever was).  Over years of painstaking research, A. P. Bowman has compiled an encyclopedic dossier on the Saturni consisting of tales, sayings, apocrypha, poetry, bathroom grafitti, used matchbook covers, and assorted junk, and willed it to his or her followers.  We carry on this noble tradition to this day.



Why Are They Called The Saturni?

There are numerous legends regarding the planet Saturn.  Some people believe that Saturn was originally our primeval sun, a dark, mysterious light that shrouded the earth in perpetual twilight and raised a crop of red-hued plants, photosynthesis at that time being shifted toward the infrared portion of the spectrum.  Some people further maintain that mankind’s myths, from the Bible to the Popul Vuh, were forged under the triple eye of Saturn, Venus and Mars, as viewed superimposed on one another from the earth.  It’s certainly true that the Greeks and Romans identified Saturn (or Kronos) as an infanticidal monster, eating his children.  And our best evidence suggests that, in the aeons before their arrival here on earth, the Saturni may have made their home on the rocky core of Saturn, before it attained its current status as an inhospitable gas giant.  Indeed, the Saturni may have caused the celestial cataclysm whereby Venus, Mars and Saturn were rent asunder, spinning them off to their current locations in our solar system and resulting in widespread devastation, floods, climate shifts, and extinctions here on earth.


Who are the Santa Compagna and Who Are The Skin-Eaters?

A number of years ago, A. P. Bowman attained quasi-immortal status, conferred on him by one of the primordial Introim, the forebears and absolute enemies of the Saturni.  Since then, he has been able to induct others into this “sacred company” of misfits, misanthropes, martyrs and mystifs.  We use humor, subversion, and satire to achieve our goals.

But the Saturni have their own minions too, born of their coming-in to the daughters of men and letting nature take its course.  This race of tragic half-breeds are called the Skin Eaters:  flesh eating zombies who also happen to be poetic and glamorous and gorgeous.  Little is known about these monsters except they have been spotted in New Orleans and their numbers are growning.

So Do The Saturni Have Anything To Do With Saturn Cars?

No, although they did cause the economic collapse that made the Saturn Corporation go out  of business.


The Pope Has A Special Hat Called The “Capello Romano” Or Saturn HaDoes That Mean Anything?


  So Where Are The Saturni Now?

The Saturni are literally everywhere.  That guy stealing a parking          space from you?  A closet Saturnus.  Intolerant bigots, greedy fat          cats, political pundits, politicians?  Yep.  The fact is, the single              greatest power the Saturni possess is their ability to appear exactly      like every single person you don’t like.  That way, you look like a          paranoid idiot whenever you criticize them.  This is their strength.

Remember: The lamb knows the wolf, but the wolf who owns a television station can convince everybody there are no wolves.



I want what I want and I want it now.  You mean this great big world doesn’t revolve around me?

-Social Distortion


The ostrich hides his head in the sand the better to let you bite him in the ass.

-A. P. Bowman


Extremism in the pursuit of pleasure is no vice.

-Jack Benway


There looms, within abjection, one of those violent, dark revolts of being, directed against a threat that seems to emanate from…outside or inside, ejected beyond the scope of the possible.

-Julia Kristeva


Why so serious?

-the Joker


Civilization is the process of setting man free from men.

-Ayn Rand


Those who seek absolute power, even though they seek it to do what they regard as good, are simply demanding the right to enforce their own version of heaven on earth.  And let me remind you, they are the very ones who always create the most hellish tyrannies.

-Barry Goldwater


Social order at the expense of liberty is hardly a bargain.

-Marquis de Sade


That is not dead which can eternal lie,  And with strange aeons even death may die.

-the Necronomicon


Children shouldn’t play with dead things.

-Bob Clark


Almost nobody dances sober, unless they happen to be insane.

-H. P. Lovecraft


Either kill me or take me as I am, because I’ll be damned if I’ll ever change.

-Father Ignatius Ragoczy


They’re already here, you probably pass a few of them by in the street every day, or at work, or at your family dinner table — they won’t be satisfied until they have eaten, EATEN, every living thing on earth.

– Lloyd Fonvielle


American soldiers must be turned into lambs and eating them is tolerated.

-Muammar Quaddafi


My goal is to cut government in half in twenty-five years, to get it down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub.  And then eat it.

-Grover Norquist

Written on April 1st, 2012

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    Alyssa Charles commented

    I truly find this a interesting subject. Never looked at this subject in this manner. If you are planning to create more articles relating to this subject, I definitely will be back in the near future!

    April 9, 2012 at 10:47 pm
    Claudeci commented

    hey friend, thanks for helping me and the others.

    April 13, 2012 at 7:38 am
    jay levine commented

    A.P. Bowman, used matchbook covers, assorted junk, tales, Chicklets?

    May 4, 2012 at 5:17 pm

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